Godly anger / Ungodly response

I am a shy person and I need time and space to regroup. Well, this week it has been one of those weeks in which any private time is impossible! The house has been crowded with people (all nice people, for sure) which means that Lily has been sleeping with us for the last 6 days. So we have had 6 pretty bad nights. We are tired because of the lack of sleep, and for sharing the space with 20 more people in the house. And as we get tired, or should I say, as I get tired, I get easily offended and angry.

I love cooking for my family. Cooking used to be one of those things that I did as a way of relaxation... Well, now I just try to keep sane as I cook dinner and play with Lily while Andrew is writing his essay for tomorrow. So after spending about 2 hours preparing meat balls (I am really struggling to make Lily eat ANY meat!) because she used to like them, I am tired and I just want a peaceful dinner, where my husband enjoys my cooking and my little girl eats with gusto. But, that's not what happened tonight. Well, my husband did enjoy the meat balls, but my girl screamed and threw a tantrum. So we had a trip to her cot to give her the chance to calm down, and for her to get the message that she can't just do whatever she wants. But, when she came back she was still upset. She is allow to play with a toy while we finish dinner, but she didn't want to do that, so she threw the toy and, not only that, she took the fork that had meat ball and cheese and threw on the floor! At that point I had enough. I was ssoooo angry with her! I took her to the cot in my angry mood, and put her in her cot. I told her that tantrums are not acceptable and that neither is throwing food on the floor. She answered "Ta" every time, which in Lily's language means yes, but I still left her there as a way of disciplining her. And I also left her there because I needed time to calm down. Poor Andrew, he didn't get a pleasant dinner either, because he had to deal with two angry girls!

Reflecting on what happened, I was right to be angry with Lily. Her disobedience should make me angry, because it is going against everything that is good, and because it makes me act in such a way to stop her from keeping in her sin. Godly anger is right when my child decides to rebel against me. Now, the tricky bit is to deal with this anger. The right response for Lily's disobedience was to discipline her taking her to her cot. The wrong response was doing it angrily for not respecting her Mummy. I was so cross with her, that I wasn't the gentle, tender and loving mother that I should be. I know that so many times I fall short from what I should be. And my tendency is to feel bad about it, and to want to run and hide away. But the right response to an ungodly anger is repentance. Yes, so when I went to pick Lily up, I explained to her why she was there. I asked her to say sorry. Then, I said sorry to her and asked her forgiveness. I wish I never did the wrong thing, but I know that I always do something that hurt my little girl, and that I will keep doing wrong things because I am a sinner and I sin. But I want my little girl to grow up knowing that Mummy will always come to her and ask for her forgiveness because her Mummy knows that the Lord forgave her so much more!

Everyday life

We have been living in this country for more than a month now, which means lots of things...

First, that our visa has expired and that we still haven't even managed to put all the paper's together to present to immigration (the fact that there was an earthquake in Chile where our papers were going to be authenticated didn't help!)

Second, that Andrew is getting much better with his Spanish, so much so that his teachers one week say "we need to focus on your grammar" and the next week they say "actually, you just need to talk to other Bolivians and you will pick up the grammar"

Third, that I finally have set a routine for Lily! Which makes Lily and her Mummy much happier. That means that Lily is learning to wait patiently in her cot in the morning and that I don't have to get up at 5:30 just because she is awake; that I can do my "chores" with Lily and so I can feel I am serving my family and Lily learns that Mummy has other things to do apart from playing with her; that Lily is learning to actually stay in her room for "room time" and play in her room for 10 minutes!

Fourth, that I am learning to eat Bolivian food, and to learn to cook it! Now I love "Humintas". Now you need to understand that the first time I try it, I misheard the name and I thought that it was "Humitas" which is yellow corn with basil cooked in the corn leaves in hot water! Savoury dish. Well, Humintas is like a cake with cheese on top and with sugar. But now, I truly like it and Sonia, the lovely house help, taught me how to cook it.

Fifth, that I am learning to love the streets of this country, despite the smell and the dogs. I am enjoying the amazing things that you can see on the streets: like a man doing tattooing outside the bus terminal, another man saying "keep an eye on your weight for 50 cents" with a house scale, and people selling all sorts of food.

Sixth, that I am looking forward to move to Tarija, not as a way of escaping from where we are now, but as a way of being truly happy for the future that the Lord has for us in Tarija.

God has been so good to me, he has sustained me and has shown me that he is with me every day, all the day. He has given people to talk to, he has feeding me with his word and with the amazing food that I can find in this country, he has cared for me when I have been sad for my family who has suffered so much, he has embraced me here, in this city that is surrounded by velvety hills, on the top on the Andes. I have met God in this country and I can truly say, He is the same in here! Alleluia!

Not shaken

The last couple of days have been very difficult. Last Saturday my beautiful Chile suffered a massive earthquake. It has never been one like that one before, and I pray that it won't ever be another one like it. My dear brother with his family lives in Talca. My sister was on holidays with her family in Pelluhue where the tsunami was. That was the only information that I had and after hearing how terrible the devastation was I thought that my whole family was dead.

I cried and cried not because I don't trust in God, but because an earthquake is a horrible thing and a reminder that this is a fallen world. I wept because the idea of having lost my family was terrible.

I believe in a good and gracious God, in a God that has everything under control. But that doesn't mean that I can't feel sad for the destruction that my country and my family had.

Yesterday night I finally talked to my dad. He was fine, the house where he lives, although is very old, stood firm. My sister escaped from the tsunami and my brother was fine, although scared.

God is good because he protected my family. But, hang on an minute, How would I feel about God if that hadn't been the case? How would I have felt if someone had died?

It is hard to say but I think I would have cried for another week. I would still believe that God is a Sovereign and good God, that he loves me and he cares for me and my family. There are lots of times when I don't like what God does, because is painful or uncomfortable. But my faith is not based on how God behaves towards me, meeting my desires and hopes. My faith is based on the fact that he loved me and saved me when I was his enemy, when I was the ruins of the earthquake called sin. He has already shown me how much he cares in sending his only Son to die in my place. That's why my faith is not shaken, although the whole earth shakes, my faith in the Living God stands firm!