Justice?

I have been reading Job lately as part of my devotional readings and it has been eye opening. Some years ago I gave a short seminar on Job and I thought I had read and understood everything that I needed from this book. How humbling it is to go back to God's word and being challenged and rebuked! Today I was reading Job 24, another of Job's speeches and I was astonished with the things that he says: life is unfair. The "good one" suffers while the "evil one" prospers. It looks wrong and it is wrong. Specially in the context of Job where his friends where so simplistic in saying that the righteous receives good things from the Lord and the unrighteous receives bad things from God. But life is not as easy as that. I have met people that although they love the Lord and serve Him with all their heart have suffered deeply. They have lost a loved one, or have lost their health, or suffered from injustice. It makes me wonder where is God when things like that happen. And it is when my eyes turn to the cross that I understand where God is. He didn't come to make justice in this world (something that is very popular in Bolivia!), he came to suffer injustice, so through his undeserved suffering we could have a life free from judgement. God has never promised that I won't suffer from injustice, but he has promised that at the end of this life I will be with him and that he is sustaining me every step pf the way. So next time I feel that some people in Bolivia have been unfair for looking down on me or plainly rejecting me for being a chilean, I hope I will look at the cross and be reminded that my Lord suffered so much more for my sake.

Husband's idea

Yes, it is true, the idea of writing a blog was Andrew's. I have never been very good at blogging... I tried once and I failed! But Andrew thought that it was a good idea for me to write about what happen and also reflect on it. Today it wasn't an easy day. Lily and I ate something that disagreed with both of us and as a result we had (all of us, including poor Andrew who got up a billion times to check on Lily) a horrible night. So, this morning Andrew left for language school and I stayed home with my beautiful Lily... sigh. She wasn't her normal self today, I have to say. She was walking behind me following everywhere with her arms stretched and crying but as soon as I picked her up she would say "down", and the cycle started again. Add to that the fact that she refused drinking the rice water that I prepared for her, spat on me the grated apple and the cooked rice and screamed every time I asked her to drink water. Oh boy.

The hardest bit was when I went to get her up form her nap. I asked her "Do you want to go and see Papa?" she said "No" and I thought "Oh well, better get her dressed first" and then the screaming, hitting, arching back started! I felt awful, the most unloved and hated mother in the whole world! I didn't understand what was happening to my little girl. I just went to get Andrew and left him with my now calm baby and walked away to cry. I started thinking all the things I have done for that child, all the pains and the sleepless nights, all the hard work in thinking what to cook for her, etc. Yes, I was upset because she wasn't not giving me what I wanted. I want my baby to find rest in me, to respect me and love me, I want my baby to admire my wisdom and seek my direction. The truth is that Lily is not different from me. Well, I don't recall screaming and hitting any of my mothers, but I have bad memory for embarrassing events. But I know that I am like that with God. Many times in my life I have screamed and kicked because I didn't like what God was doing with my life. I have behaved like a child many times and I know that God doesn't start feeling sorry for himself but keeps loving me. I know that the worst thing I can do in a situation like the one I had today is to look at myself and to forget to look at God. Feeling sorry for myself and writing a list of all the things that make my miserable just drive me further from God, the source of my consolation. So after lots and lots of tears I prayed that God would forgive me for just thinking about myself, and he would remind me of what is true and not being driven for what I feel. What a blessing to know that I am a forgiven mother.