I am a shy person and I need time and space to regroup. Well, this week it has been one of those weeks in which any private time is impossible! The house has been crowded with people (all nice people, for sure) which means that Lily has been sleeping with us for the last 6 days. So we have had 6 pretty bad nights. We are tired because of the lack of sleep, and for sharing the space with 20 more people in the house. And as we get tired, or should I say, as I get tired, I get easily offended and angry.
I love cooking for my family. Cooking used to be one of those things that I did as a way of relaxation... Well, now I just try to keep sane as I cook dinner and play with Lily while Andrew is writing his essay for tomorrow. So after spending about 2 hours preparing meat balls (I am really struggling to make Lily eat ANY meat!) because she used to like them, I am tired and I just want a peaceful dinner, where my husband enjoys my cooking and my little girl eats with gusto. But, that's not what happened tonight. Well, my husband did enjoy the meat balls, but my girl screamed and threw a tantrum. So we had a trip to her cot to give her the chance to calm down, and for her to get the message that she can't just do whatever she wants. But, when she came back she was still upset. She is allow to play with a toy while we finish dinner, but she didn't want to do that, so she threw the toy and, not only that, she took the fork that had meat ball and cheese and threw on the floor! At that point I had enough. I was ssoooo angry with her! I took her to the cot in my angry mood, and put her in her cot. I told her that tantrums are not acceptable and that neither is throwing food on the floor. She answered "Ta" every time, which in Lily's language means yes, but I still left her there as a way of disciplining her. And I also left her there because I needed time to calm down. Poor Andrew, he didn't get a pleasant dinner either, because he had to deal with two angry girls!
Reflecting on what happened, I was right to be angry with Lily. Her disobedience should make me angry, because it is going against everything that is good, and because it makes me act in such a way to stop her from keeping in her sin. Godly anger is right when my child decides to rebel against me. Now, the tricky bit is to deal with this anger. The right response for Lily's disobedience was to discipline her taking her to her cot. The wrong response was doing it angrily for not respecting her Mummy. I was so cross with her, that I wasn't the gentle, tender and loving mother that I should be. I know that so many times I fall short from what I should be. And my tendency is to feel bad about it, and to want to run and hide away. But the right response to an ungodly anger is repentance. Yes, so when I went to pick Lily up, I explained to her why she was there. I asked her to say sorry. Then, I said sorry to her and asked her forgiveness. I wish I never did the wrong thing, but I know that I always do something that hurt my little girl, and that I will keep doing wrong things because I am a sinner and I sin. But I want my little girl to grow up knowing that Mummy will always come to her and ask for her forgiveness because her Mummy knows that the Lord forgave her so much more!
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