I have a beautiful baby who is going to turn 3 months in 3 days. I struggled with the first couple of weeks having an unsettled baby, then I struggled with trying to teach my baby to put herself to sleep...and after some time and perseverance I managed to have better days and better nights. But for the last 10 days my baby has gone bananas! She is sleeping ok during the day but she is waking up every two hours during the whole night...or she is awake for three hours in one go in the middle of the night - like last night.
I am extremely tired, I get teary for no reason, and I start finding it hard to have a joyful heart and to serve my family happily. I would love to talk to my baby and have her tell me why she is not sleeping... I would like to find an obvious reason for all this... I would like to ask God what he is trying to teach me so I can learn it quickly and have a night with more than two and half hours of sleep in one go. I am not happy with my lot. And if you compare it to someone else's lot, it looks so little. What is to be sleep deprived in comparison to grieve the loss of a loved one? What is to be tired in comparison to be in prison, or sick, or alone?
I know this is just for a season and very soon (well, maybe in three years time!) I will manage to have better and more restful nights. In the meantime I want to find hope and joy in God, knowing that he is good and that he still cares for me although I am not receiving his will with a happy heart. If I sleep through the night, praise be to God; If I am awake most of the night, praise be to God! May the Lord help me to talk to my tiredness rather than letting my tiredness dictate how I feel during the whole day (and night!)
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